The Purpose of Impatience (Read Time: 2 min.)

What is the purpose of impatience?
Why is it that when we are doing the most it feels like we're accomplishing the least?
What does impatience have to do with purpose?

I woke up this morning feeling impatient. Things weren't moving fast enough. I felt like I wasn't getting to where I wanted to go as quickly as I'd like to. I felt myself focusing on all of the obstacles (big and small) and even though there were so many great things happening and even though I'd accomplished so much in such a short time, there was no room to notice miracles or blessings because my focus was on one thing and one thing only: what was missing in my life.

I got out of that impatient period as we all do and, from a perspective of renewed gratitude and excitement, I can say a few things about the purpose of impatience.

Impatience is a persistence test. The extent that you are willing to give in to your impatience is the extent to which the goal or dream you are pursuing is not big enough to keep your attention. If one bout of impatience can lead you to give up, give in or take a shortcut, guess what? You're more in love with getting the goal than experiencing it.

Impatience is a sign of decreasing faith. When you feel impatient, there are two major thoughts running through your head: 1) Nothing's working the way it should and 2) This might never happen. When one or both thoughts pervade your mind, doubt takes the place of faith. At that point, your impatience is not so much about the speed at which you're getting to the goal but the lack of trust you have in your ability to eventually make it to the finish line.

Impatience is an inner cry. Whenever we get impatient, it's because our inner child is throwing a tantrum. Whether that child is four, six, eight, or thirteen, what's really happening is this: our inner child wants what he or she wants as of right now, isn't getting it, and thinks that the only way to get the attention and time he/she deserves is by throwing a fit. It doesn't work for toddlers and it certainly won't work in helping us attract our success faster.

Impatience is a cover up for criticism and judgment. Oftentimes, the impatience we feel comes from a deep sense that we "should" have done things differently. There's also, within impatience, a sense that if we'd been more, better, stronger, richer, thinner, or some other category of "deserving", we'd have what we want right now. In this way, our lack of goal attainment isn't due to Divine Right Timing. No, the ego has stepped in and now says its due to our inability to be good enough to get what we want.

Impatience is a character builder. When you can feel impatient, recognize it for the trap that it is, and move beyond it, you are able to decide your emotions and your destiny. By bringing yourself to a place of gratitude, peace, and love, you have won a major battle. Your impatience is not your enemy; it is your teacher and when you can master the class of impatience, you are ready to take things to the next level. Impatience is a course that you'll take every year and sometimes every day. Mastery doesn't mean completion. Mastery means freedom to move forward.

So, if impatience is part of our spiritual curriculum, how do you overcome it?

You don't. You allow impatience to be what it is. You see impatience for the tool and teacher that it is. You identify which of the above purposes of impatience relate to you in this moment and you use impatience to get you closer to the goal, not farther from it. At the end of the day, your job is not to escape, eradicate, or overcome impatience. Your privilege is to learn from it and become more of who you are...

7 Ways to Get Comfortable With Uncertainty (Read Time: 3 min.)

Are you a control freak? Do you have to figure everything out before you make a single move?
Are you afraid to take risks?
Do you have to know that there's at least a 70% chance that things will work out before you step out?
Does uncertainty drive you crazy?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, I have one question for you:
How's that working for you?

Life is filled with uncertainty. What makes life an adventure is the uncertainty. If you knew everything that was going to happen in your life before it ever happened, you'd end up in one of two states: 1) bored out of your mind or 2) simply out of your mind. There's a reason why most of us can't see into the complete and total future. Uncertainty is not an obstacle of life; it is the course of life. The sooner you get used to that idea, the more successful you will be in going after what you want.

When people talk about not pursuing a particular dream or goal, the first thing that comes up for them is the uncertainty. How will I know if this is the right path for me to take? What if this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing? What if things don't work out? How will I know when it's the right time? Here's the best part: there is no right time. The only way you'll know if you're supposed to have what you say you want occurs after you've begun pursuing it.

When you go for a goal or dream and doors keep closing in your face and the pit of your stomach keeps telling you that something in this situation just isn't right, that's all the sign you need to know that you're probably on the wrong path and need to make a few adjustments. That doesn't mean you give up the dream entirely. It simply means you need more discovery time to change your plans, be flexible in your approach and try things differently. As you tweak your strategy, your path will become clear. But, if you never leap out on faith and begin the work, you never get to find out if that's what you're supposed to be doing at this time.

Getting comfortable with uncertainty is a course in every single person's spiritual curriculum. Some of us do better in this class than others but we all have to pass it. The key to getting comfortable with uncertainty comes in understanding three points

1. 
   
   
   You don't control nearly as much in life as you think you do. Most of the major life events that will take place will happen whether you like it or not. It's not the occurrence of the life event that you control but it's your response that will dictate to what extent that life event affects you. You don't control people living or dying, getting pregnant, somebody staying or leaving you, getting fired from a job, losing a home in a fire. There are so many life transitions that will happen without your consent. When you truly understand how little of life's occurrences are in your complete and total control, you'll get good with the fact that being comfortable with uncertainty is the skill that you need to master. When you are good with uncertainty, it doesn't matter what comes your way. You know you can handle. You believe that things will work out for the best. This faith and ability to transcend circumstances makes you invincible. Don't live from the lie that you control everything. Live from the truth that no matter what comes your way, you can handle it because you aren't afraid of uncertainty.
   



2. 
   
   
   You are not Manager of the Universe. In our technologically savvy world, far too many of us think that God isn't required in their lives, that the click of a mouse or the creation of a new scientific treatment is all that they need to cure every ill of life. Here's the deal: God's one thought can fix a lifetime of problems and He operates bigger and faster than anything you can do. Why would you try to subconsciously take on His job when you simply cannot fill those shoes? Why would you want to? There's no employee alive who's going to do the work of the CEO for the production line rate of pay. When you get that you are not Manager of the Universe, that the world doesn't rise and fall based on your ability to "figure things out", you free yourself from the burden and pain of feeling like every decision you make has centuries of consequences. Resign as Manager of the Universe. Let God do his job. Put your intentions out there, take the actions you can take and do all that you can with all that you are but let God be God. There are certain things in life that are God jobs and those things, no matter how hard you try, are not up to you. The sooner you resign, the faster God can work.
   



3. 
   
   
   It's okay to not be 100% on board with a decision before you make it. When you don't have complete information, there isn't 100% certainty that things are going to work out. Some people have faith that gives them that feeling of 100% certainty but alot of don't. There are some areas of life where we can believe like nobody's business and have faith for years. There are other areas of life where we doubt from moment one. Just because your faith doesn't feel strong enough doesn't mean you don't keep moving in that direction. It takes a mustard seed of faith to move mountains. Resist the temptation to make your faith the reason why you aren't moving forward. Understand that in much of life, you'll have to walk with some doubt as you build up your faith. The problem with uncertainty isn't that you doubt your ability to make the right choice. It's that you live on the fence somewhere between one choice and the other and that paralyzes you from making a move at all. The paralysis is the problem, not the uncertainty about your options. Be okay with not feeling 100% sure. Step out and trust that whatever you need to know will be revealed to you. Take time to get quiet each day and listen for the messages from your intuition. When you get those messages, heed them and move forward in the direction you're feeling called to move forward in. Once you make a choice, don't second guess it. Go with it, listen for guidance and change as the guidance changes. Will you make mistakes? Yes. Will you be stuck in doubt and fear? No.

At the end of the day, you'll be in this spiritual class until you get this spiritual lesson. You'll be presented with uncertainty in every which way you turn until you can finally release the illusion of control and be willing to learn along the way. Why fight a part of what life is when it's not going away? Uncertainty is here to stay. It's not the uncertainty of your life that needs to change. It's your perception and dealing with it that needs to shift...

You weren't built to be broken...

How to Support Yourself When No One Else Does (Read Time: 3 min.)

Whose support do you have?

Whose support do you need?

Whose support are you not getting that wish you could have?

How do you stay the course when the people who are supposed to love you most support you least?

These are the kinds of questions that I get from clients all the time. I hear stories about unsupportive spouses, resistant parents, unruly children, and bosses, co-workers, and friends who work a living hell. When someone tells me about the lack of support they have as they fight to achieve their dreams, the 'story' quickly goes to how much easier achieving these dreams would be if this person had more help. If I let the story go on for a few more minutes, what I hear is the frustration, disappointment, and anger that this person feels about realizing that no one has his/her back.

While the emotions need to be recognized and validated, what is such a person to do? You can't force people to support you who don't want to. You can't make people see your vision if they're choosing to be blinded to it. You can't be everything to everyone and still have time to accomplish every dream in the time you'd like to. There's a choice that has to be made here.

When you don't have the support you need, how can you still achieve your dreams?

It won't be easy but there is a doable way to stay the course, even if no one else is willing to help you with it. The answer is simple: support yourself. How you do that is where it gets more complicated. Supporting yourself means you choose to have more faith and trust in who you are and what you're going after than anybody else does. Your faith becomes your immune system against the pain and anger you feel towards those who aren't on your side. In being your own personal cheerleader, you have to create a support system that exists outside of the people you originally thought would be in it.

That means you have to step out, meet people, connect with like minded individuals who can share you vision. It means you surround yourself with books, articles, audios, and videos from people who have a vision and who've accomplished that vision. You listen to the success stories of people and pay particular attention to the obstacles they faced and how they overcame those obstacles.

It means you don't talk about your vision with people who can't see or who won't support you. Talk about the weather, what's for dinner, how your day went at work but don't put your heart on the line knowing that it's going to get stomped on. That also means that even though those people aren't as supportive as you'd like them to be, you choose to love them anyway. You honor the good you see in them and you cast aside their inability to be who you need them to be. The sooner you can accept others for who they are, the sooner you can let go of the pain, hurt and disappointment of who they might never be for you.

Supporting yourself when no one else does requires that you trust yourself, believe in yourself, and hold on to the truth that whatever is for you will show up right on time. This means you don't act out of rush or desperation. You don't make choices because you're afraid that someone else is going to convince you not to make the choice. When you feel pressured (by yourself or others) to rush to a decision on something, 99.99% of the time, that decision will be a mistake. You can take the time you need to decide which path to go down. Nothing has to be decided today.

There's skill in trusting yourself. It means you don't rush but you also don't delay. It means you look for signs of what to do next and you put your faith and trust in those signs as you move forward. Trusting yourself requires that you are willing to make mistakes but it also means that you know that you will learn from whatever mistakes you make.

At the end of the day, rather than wasting time complaining and hurting over the people who "should have" supported you but don't, focus on fully supporting and trusting yourself. You are all you need to succeed. Other people can leave your life but as long as you never leave you, the success you obtain will be the result of what you give to it. Other people's support is nice and to get to your dream faster, it is necessary but if you don't have that at the moment, it doesn't mean you stop pursuing the dream. It simply means you go at a different pace while you search out and create a new inner circle of support. You can do this. Never confuse other people's limitations with your abilities. Let people have their limiting beliefs. Trust and support youself enough to not make theirs yours...

You weren't built to be broken...

Why People Postpone Their Happiness (Read Time: 3 min.)

We create our own happiness.

If that's 100% true, why is it that most people spend more time waiting to be happy than actually being so?

The answer lies in understanding why people postpone their happiness.

Most of us think that happy translates into a better state of being. When we think of happy, we think of more, better, bigger, increased and transformed. Happy, in this definition, becomes the ability to acquire what isn't currently there. Can you see the problem with that? If I have to have more to be happy, then I never will because I'll forever be on the journey to getting more. If happiness is an ever-improving process, then there is no arriving and staying at happy. Once you get the next promotion or find that next great relationship, you'll also find the next thing you want to pursue to be "happy."

What people won't say about this hamster wheel of a pursuit is that alot of people like being on the journey to happy because they're scared to live there. We like the feeling of being on the hunt, of working towards happiness, of cherishing the victory of finally finding it and the taste for adventure that comes when we discover that there's more happiness to go after once we arrive. It's a double-edged sword. You want to be happy but when you get there, you find something else to pursue so you can be even happier than you are right now. How's that working for you?

Truth be told, people postpone their happiness because they don't know how to be satisfied with the happiness they can create right now. Most people are afraid that their happiness, if they enjoy it too long, will disappear. If they always feel the longing for something more, they can also feel the safety of not getting too comfortable with the happiness available now. If you aren't afraid to lose what you've got because your focus is always on what you don't have, there's not as much to lose. If you can find full satisfaction in your life right now with things exactly as they are, there's a vulnerability that's required to enjoy the moment because should the moment change for the worse, you still lose.

What if, no matter what happened next, you could be happy now?

You can! Happiness, like change, is a personal choice. You don't have to have anything or anyone to be absolutely happy. All you have to do is choose to be so. It's time to say to yourself, "I'm not postponing my happiness anymore. I'm not waiting for the next best thing to come along. I am the next best thing. I was the next best thing two decades ago, two years ago, two months ago, two hours ago, two minutes, two seconds ago and I will be the next best thing as long as I have breath within me." How powerful is that?

When you choose to be happy for all that you have right now and you get good with enjoying every second of today, you free yourself to receive so much more tomorrow. Happiness does not come in the form of a new relationship, a new job, a new baby, a new car, or any new thing outside of you. Your happiness is you and choosing it now means you have to be willing to forgo spending most of your time in a future life that hasn't happened yet so you can fully embrace the life that's moving in and through you right now. Can you do that? Yes, you can...

You weren't built to be broken...

Say Anything (Read Time: 3 min.)

One of my all-time favorite movies is "Say Anything." Do you remember John Cusack standing in the driveway with that boombox? Girl's romantic dream, right? Kind of...

When I sit to think about what that movie means to me, it goes beyond some high school love story about boy from the wrong tracks and girl from the good (but not so good) family. It's about more than beautiful lines, goofy approaches, and uncomfortable silences.

When I think about that movie, I think about the one simple fact that I've learned about love:

When you're with the right person, you can say anything...

and not be afraid that he or she is going to disapprove, ridicule, or walk away.

Like the movie, there are so many times in life when people say "You can tell me anything" (translation: tell me what I want to hear that will continue to make me like you). But, few and far between can stand in the silence with you. Even fewer can live through the pain with you, see you at your lowest moment and still look at you as if you were the strongest person they knew. That's what it means to say anything...

At the end of the day, I got my guy holding the boombox in my driveway. He literally went to the ends of the earth for me and never once lost the glimmer of the eye that says "You're amazing." How did I get from "Don't tell me what I don't want to know" to "Say anything"?

Five things:

1) Acceptance of ALL of me.

2) Love for ALL of that.

3) A willingness to trust and a trusting to know who to trust.

4) My continual resignation as Manager of the Universe.

5) My firm belief that "Write me" is only something to say to people I choose to write off :)

It's not always easy but it's definitely worth it.

Do you have someone you can say anything to?