Monday, July 19, 2010

Don't Be Defeated By Temporary Things (Read Time: 3 min.)

Do you get defeated by temporary things?

That's a loaded question so let me put it a different way.

Think back three years... Where did you live? What was going on in your life? Are today's circumstances exactly the same today as they were then?

Think back ten years... How has life changed? What's come into your life since then? What's left your life since then?

The only constant in your life, throughout your entire life, is YOU... which means no matter what you see going on, no matter what's happening right now, this too shall pass.

Do not get defeated by temporary circumstances.

Focusing on the here and now is important from the standpoint of action. Yes, it takes what you're doing consistently and persistently right now to create your future. But, getting bogged down in the trials and tough moments of today is a total waste of time. Why? Because, in three months, that issue will be gone and you'll still be here.

The key to longevity is staying the course.
The secret to staying the course is being vigilant with your mind. How to do you remain vigilant with your mind? Strategically choose what you focus on, what you think about and choose only those thoughts that empower you.

When a negative thought enters, "cast it out as sin" as Wallace D. Wattles once said or, as Jay Z, has said, "Brush your shoulder off." Either way, keep it moving!

Monday, July 12, 2010

How to Pursue More Than One Dream At Once (Read Time: 4 min.)

You have dreams, aspirations and goals. When you close your eyes, you can see clearly the direction you'd like your life to take.

Only one problem:

There are only 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, and 52 weeks in a year and only one of you.

How is one lifetime possibly enough time to pursue ALL of your dreams?

The attainment of any dream requires four things:

  1. Passion: Your desire to live your dream must be stronger than any fear you have about failure or success. You've got to have a burning desire to achieve it.

  2. Purpose: Not only do you have to know WHAT you want but you have to be very clear about WHY you want it.

  3. Planning: Those who fail to plan plan to fail. You won't know all the 'hows' of obtaining your dreams. Some of the pieces of the puzzle will come together at the oddest moments and from unexpected places. But, you've got to get the wheels in motion by mapping out your strategies for success. Begin with one set of plans and, as you go from step to step, the plan will naturally evolve.

  4. Patience: This is the most difficult one. We want our sucess yesterday. But, there's a time to sow and a time to reap. Your greatest success will come in proportion to your capacity to wait for it. Be careful on this one, however. Being still is not the same as standing still. Even as you wait for your dream seeds to grow, there's still alot of work to be done in the meantime.

Once you've got the 4Ps (Passion, Purpose, Planning and Patience), the one question still remains:

How do I achieve ALL my dreams with the limited amount of time I have?

Here's the answer:

Limit your current dream attainment to the Power of 3:

  1. Work on no more than three dreams at one time. Let's say you have the following dreams: start your own business, go back to school, start a family, write a book, lose 40 pounds, move across the country, and buy a home. All seven dreams can be fulfilled... but they all can't be done with your whole mind in present action at once. That's where the planning comes in. You might decide to spend the next two years focused on your business, going back to school and losing weight. That way, in two years' time, you'll be healthier to start a family and wealthier to move across the country, buy a home and take a few weeks off the business to write your book.

  2. Develop three actions you need to take every thirty days to move you closer to each of those dreams. Hold a self-appraisal meeting once a month to go over your progress. View your actions as an investment of effort into your dreams, not a working against the obstacle of time to achieve your dreams.

  3. Say to yourself "I can do this" constantly. Our negative talk is so embedded in our psyches that it often goes unnoticed. It's important to remind yourself on a daily basis (a minute-by-minute basis if you have to) that you CAN do this. Remember: If anyone else can live their dream, you can too!

I love Mondays because it's a fresh start to a brand new week. Forget about what you did or didn't do last week. Your power is in the NOW. Begin today!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

7 Ways to Create & Build Your Success Momentum (Read Time: 3 min.)

"They conquer who believe they can."
- Emerson

Are you looking to the past to predict your future?

Do you use what you've done in the past to assess what you can do in the future?

Are you haunted by a past of failure and poor results, afraid to try again in fear that you might fail again?

Miracles are called miracles for a reason. Triumph has its excitement and awe because it's new, unparallel, and something different. If you never fail, how will you know when you've truly won?

Tony Robbins does a great job of explaining that failure is nothing more than learning and results. It's your opportunity to alter your objectives, refine your planning, and make another attempt.

The problem with people today is that we give up too easily. We have lukewarm commitments to our dreams and then we wonder why they haven't come true? I'm not saying be obsessed in your progress or forsake every other part of your life for one particular dream but I am saying this:

If you've got a dream, stop talking about it.
Put all your zeal, zest, and passion into it
and don't stop to look to the left or the right, the front or the back.
Just keep it moving!

Here are 7 ways you can do that on a daily basis:

1) Start each day with specific goals in mind. I use the Critical Six. Create goals that are alignment with your purpose. That doesn't mean they'll be exactly what you want to do all the time; some of the baby steps, no, quite a few of the baby steps on the way to your dreams, will feel like drudge work. Remember: Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

2) Find ways to motivate yourself, to keep the juices flowing. Whether it's good music or a lunch break with friends or a jog in the park, don't drive yourself with work to death. Work for 3 or 4 hours and then take a "release" break. Do something outside of work that revives you. That way, you come back to the work you love with renewed zeal and zest.

3) Do your best work at your prime times of the day. I'm a morning person and my best writing happens in the early morning. My best podcasting happens in the early morning. That doesn't mean that I limit my work to those hours but it does mean that I try to get as much of it done then as I can.

4) Remind yourself who you are. I once saw an Oprah show with Matthew McConaughey where he said he wakes up everyday, looks himself in the eye in a mirror and says, "It's me and you kid." Here's the deal: it is you and you. Sometimes, especially when the going gets rough, you need to remind yourself who you are. I like to use the bible: "I'm more than a conquerer... I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me... God is my strength and power and He maketh my way perfect..." Use affirmations, declarations, whatever it takes to remind yourself of the power and greatness that is you.

5) Don't complain about ANYTHING. This is a toughy but it's true no matter how many ways you slice it. You can be in a state of gratitude (which will bring you what you want) or you can be in a state of complaining (which will bring you more of what you don't want) but you can't be in both at the same time. We tend to be a society of complainers and guess what? Misery loves company. Better to be by yourself than in the company of complainers. Make a decision today (it took me 3 days to really get there) to not complain about ANYTHING. It's tough at first but so are all habit-changing practices. After a while, you'll drop the complaining habit and you'll find ways to be grateful for everything.

6) Write down the 10 opportunities you have to move closer to your goal and read that everyday. The opportunities don't have to be big. By doing this, what you're training yourself to do is focus on opportunities, not obstacles. In my own life, I find that there are soooo many opportunities available to me that it feels overwhelming. I have to remind myself: "When God made time, He made enough of it."

7) Create relationships with people who are more successful than you. The goal is to be in the company of people who are where you plan to be, not where you've been or where you are. Ever hear a guidance counselor tell you to dress the part of the role you plan to play in a company (i.e., if you want to be an upper management and you're in the mailroom, dress for upper management even as you work the mailroom)? This applies to all areas of your life. Life as if, thinking from the end, and you'll find that the destiny you've decided is yours will more quickly move towards you.

These are just 7 ways you can be create the success you crave on a daily basis. Join me every Thursday at 7 PM MST for the weekly Not Built to Be Broken teleseminar to learn EVEN more!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Do You Have an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard? (Read Time: 2 min.)

I was reading Warren Buffett's biography yesterday (The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life) and came across a lightbulb quote:

"The big question about how people behave is whether they've got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard... In teaching your kids, I think the lesson they're learning at a very, very early age is what their parents put the emphasis on. If all the emphasis is on what the world's going to think about you, forgetting about how you really behave, you'll wind up with an outer scorecard."

In life, you have to know what's true for you. If your sense of self-worth is based on what you do, have, or look like, what happens when those things change? We call it a mid-life crisis, right?

And, yet, far too many of us only feel strong enough to pursue our dreams when we have a team of people cheerleading in the background. That's having an Outer Scorecard and the problem is obvious.

If you live based on your Outer Scorecard, you fall to pieces when people stop cheering. It's a brave soul who can keep moving when all seems lost, all the fans have left the building and, in their place, are people shooting, "Boo!"

It's not what people call you that matters;
it's what you answer to that counts.

Make your private and public persona one in the same and worrying about the "good" opinions of others will be a non-issue.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Is Your Soul Free? (Read Time: 2 min.)

"We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls."
-Robert J. McCracken

It's the 4th of July, a day of celebration. We celebrate our freedom. We rejoice in the hard fought liberty of a country, the birth of a nation, the legacy of generations that gives us free reign to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. Historically, it's the birth of freedom for every person blessed enough to call him/herself 'American.'
"To whom much is given much is required..."
Are you living the life you are meant to live?
Are you free spiritually, emotionally, mentally and
physically to pursue your dreams?
In 99% of all cases, it's not outer circumstances that limit our lives but inner restraints that cap our destiny.
In the same way that I say "You were not built to be broken" I am also saying this: "You weren't born to play small in the world."
Today is a day of rebirth, renewal; it is a declaration of freedom for all who wish to be MORE of who they are.
What you need to decide (and today is as good a day as any) is this:
1) How can I love myself more today?
2) Am I playing full out in my life?
3) Are there any areas of my life where I feel discontent, dissatisfaction, or misery? If so, what is the mental switch I need to turn on to transform that area of my life?
4) Am I committed to no complaining? (Important if you're going to play big in the world)
5) Am I committed to finding gratitude in EVERY experience?
6) Can I stick with the goals I set for years (not simply months), even when it looks like nothing is happening?
7) Am I surrounding myself with people who are doing big things in the world? Am I catching their fever of passion, purpose and results?
This is a self-inventory, not a means for self-criticism. Ask the questions, listen for the answers and then decide today that your soul is free to be exactly what it came into this world to be.
It is time you lived full out.
Join me in doing just that!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

No, It's Not Easy (Read Time: 2 min.)

I love the people who say "Life is easy. Just choose to see it that way. Every second is a joy and a wonder and all you have to do is think a thought and it comes." For a better word, that's total and complete bull****.

If mega success were easy, everybody would do it.

The truth is this: life is a rollercoaster ride. There are ups, downs and in betweens. There will be trying times. There will be rough patches. There will be periods of hell in your life where you will have to remind yourself of the great Winston Churchill quote:

"When you're going through hell, keep going."

It isn't all fun and games and the beauty of life is this: roses have thorns, day has night, after midnight comes morning. It's the Yin and Yang. The reason we appreciate the joy is because we've felt the pain. I'm not saying that life has to be hard or that you have to work "hard" to be successful but I am saying that if you set yourself up believing that success is as simple as waving a magic wand, that your life is supposed to go flawlessly and happily every second of the day, if you buy into the belief that life is all roses and so long as you "think good things", you'll get good things, you'll be in for a rude awakening when life sends you a message that knocks you off your feet.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

That's where the joy is. No matter what happens (and all kinds of things will happen), you have the choice to see this as happening TO you or being a lesson FOR you. The way you choose to see it will decide your future. That's where the power is.
It's not about living in utopia.

It's about feeling the wind, even as the s**t is hitting the fan.

Friday, July 2, 2010

The Difference Between Effort and Struggle (Read Time: 2 min.)

In last night's Not Built to Be Broken teleseminar, I taught the difference between effort and struggle. If you'd like to listen to the MP3, sign up with your name and email address in the sign up box on this page.

But, I digress.

Do you realize how powerful your sense of struggle is?

We can talk all day about the differences between effort and struggle but if you don't really get how powerful a force struggle is in your life, if you don't recognize the myriad of limiting beliefs that come along with a scarcity mentality, you will never get very far with the concept of effort.

Many of us think we're driven, ambitious, and put forth alot of effort when all we're really doing is struggling and spinning our wheels. In order to move from effort to struggle, there are certain facts of life you need to incorporate into your daily habits:

1- Set stretch goals. Set goals that are just outside of your reach & stay focused on them until you achieve them.

2- Change your expectation source. Don't expect things to go wrong. Assume that things work out exactly the way they are supposed to.

3- Don't go it alone. Seek out expert advice in the forms of books, articles, news programs. You don't know everything. Pursue knowledge constantly.

4- Make your actions fun. Even when actions are hard, they can be fun so see your daily tasks as a part of the major motion picture called your life. It all counts. It's all good and everything conspires in your favor.

5- Take breaks. There's this tendency to 'plow' through, even when we're exhausted, tired, in the wrong frame of mind, etc. While it's important to do what you have to do even when you don't feel like it, it's also important to know when you've hit your limit and take a break. Even a 15 minute break can shift you out of struggle and back into effort.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

How to Break the Worry Habit (Read Time: 2 min.)

What are you thinking about right now?

Chances are, you're worrying about something. Maybe it's the lack of time in your day needed to get a whole bunch of stuff done. Maybe it's the bills that are coming due this week or next. Maybe it's the relationship you're in that seems to keep going downhill. Maybe it's your kids and school or your kids and the people they hang out with. Maybe you're worried about your health.

Whatever it is, there's one thing you need to get very clear about:
You brought the worry habit into your world and you are the only one who has the power to take it out.

In The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale says the following:
"You were not born with the worry habit. You acquired it. And becuase you can change any habit and any acquired attitude, you can cast worry from your mind."
Worry is a negative mental habit we've acquired over time and it serves NO purpose. I'm a firm believer in casting worry out of your mind and replacing it with faith. But how do you actually do that?
Whenever you get caught up in the worry habit, here are 3 things you can do:

#1- Say to your mind "Stop!" and remind yourself "This problem is not bigger than me. I am bigger than the problem."
#2- Clear your mind. When you feel yourself getting uptight, tense and stressed, take 12 deep breaths(which means think of nothing).
#3- Trust the process of life. Decide that everything's going to work out for the best and operate from faith on it. Alot of us expect the other shoe to drop. We believe so firmly in Murphy's Law that we make it happen in our lives. What if, instead of believing the worst in every situation, you flipped the script and chose to believe the best? No matter what resulted, you'd be at peace. That's a choice only you can make.
#4- Look for different options. If it's one thing I've learned in life, it's this: there are at least a thousand ways to get done what I'd like to do. We live in a limitless world of opportunity. The problem is this: most of us don't spend the time necessary to look for different options. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
#5- Stop complaining. This is a toughy for me and I'm sure it's a toughy for you. Complaining (even if only a thought) leads to more stuff in your life to complain about. Bottomline: cut it out. The second you feel yourself complaining about ANYTHING, stop yourself and replace it with something to be grateful about. Even if you're not feeling grateful, the act of 'doing' gratitude will move you closer to being worry free.
You are who you believe you are.
Your life will be all that you see in it.
You were not built to be broken.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

10 Mental Post-It-Notes You Need to Keep Around (Read Time: 2 min.)

When life gets rough, tough or troubled, what do you say to yourself?

Do your thoughts build you up or beat you up?

Life has its moments. Exhilarating, fulfilling, heart pounding moments... Crushing, life sucking, heart wrenching moments...

It's the adventure of a lifetime and what you choose to focus on in your life is exactly what you will produce more of... which is why it's so important to retain Mental Post-It-Notes that remind you what you believe when the going gets tough.

Here are 10 Mental Post-It-Notes You Need to Keep Around:
  1. My life is my choice. Life happens for me, not to me.
  2. I am bigger than my problems. For every problem, there are at least a hundred solutions.
  3. Everything works out for my highest good.
  4. I deserve the best and I accept it now.
  5. In every obstacle, I see greater opportunities.
  6. Only love is real. I choose love, not fear.
  7. Tough times don't last but tough people do. Out of this situation, only good will come.
  8. This too shall pass. Tomorrow is another day.
  9. I love my life & I am grateful for every breath I take.
  10. In any situation, I know two things: 1- God knows and 2- I know that God knows.

Use these 10 Mental Post-It-Notes for the next 30 days and you'll be amazed by how your life will transform!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Don't Take Advice From People Who Use These Words (Read Time: 2 min.)

Advice is a subjective word. Far too often, we take advice from people who are least qualified to give it. It's important to live consciously, to pay close attention to what people say, even closer attention to what they do, and a strong inclination towards how what they say makes you feel.

In tonight's Not Built to Be Broken teleseminar, I'll be discussing what to do with the "good" opinions of other people, especially when those opinions aren't good for you.

Here's one quick and easy way to know the difference:
Avoid taking advice from people who constantly
use the words "always", "never", "can't" and "should."

In one of the Star Wars movies, Obi Wan says a powerful thing "Only siths deal in absolutes." Life is not black and white. It's a huge realm of grey, a blank canvas from which we can draw, paint or create anything. When you say "always" or "never", you're living in the black and white realm and guess what? Nothing that's asserted from that realm could possibly be true. If life is "always" one way or the other, there's no room for growth, change, or transformation. People who believe in "never" squeeze miracles out of their lives.
If there's one thing in life I've learned, it's this:
Never and always do not apply. The opportunities for transformation are unlimited.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Prayed Up or Preyed On? (Read Time: 3 min.)

In tomorrow night's teleseminar, I'm going to talk about how to deal with toxic family members. It's one thing to find that a person in your life is not good for you. It's a whole other can of worms when the person who's not good for you is a member of your own family.

You can disown the person but you can't completely disregard the connection.

And this is where I'm taking this... In my latest book, Not Built to Be Broken, I say the following:

You can make pain about being broken or you can see pain as being a lesson and the people who contribute to it as being your teachers. No matter how you look at it, there’s an investment in brokenness that will never give you a return. You’re infinite, unlimited and you never run out of chances to change your life. If that’s true, you can’t possibly be broken by anything. No matter how bad the situation seems, no matter how grim the outlook appears, you weren’t built to be broken. You were made to be free and if pain is your prison, you are the jailer. No one else but you can do that.

And here's my point: When the person who hurts you most is supposed to be the person who knows and loves you best, you've got to be able to separate your compassion for them from your susceptibility to them. You can pray for someone's change but you cannot deliver them to that change... and you don't have to be their punching bags while they go through the process.

Bottomline: Pray for toxic family members but DO NOT be preyed on by them.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

This Week's Teleseminar: Why Difficult Times & Awful People Show Up In Our Lives (Read Time: 1 min.)

Ever heard of Murphy's Law?
Has anyone ever said to you "When it rains, it pours"?

The truth of life is this: bad things will happen.

But what is also true is this:
Tough times don't last but tough people do.

Join me this Thursday for a call that explains why these "trying" times are not meant to break us down. To sign up, put your name and email in the sign-up box and log-in and class materials will be sent straight to your inbox.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Week 1 Class- What to Do About Fair Weather Friends (Read Time: 2 min.)

We're kicking off the Not Built to Be Broken Lecture Series with a HOT topic:
What to Do About Fair Weather Friends

In the book, I say the following: "If someone cannot believe in you when you're down, they cannot stand with you when you're up."

Let's get together on Thursday, June 10, 2010 and learn what that really means.

In this class, you'll learn:
  • how to differentiate between friends and acquaintances
  • what to do about friends who spend more time advising you than they do supporting you
  • how to remove 'emotional vampires' from your life for good

Sign up with your name and email address in the sign up box to get class info and details!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Sorry Doesn't Make Good (Read Time: 2 min.)

Far too many of us say "I'm sorry" WAY TOO MUCH...

In Chapter 8 (Transforming Your Guilt Into Acceptance), I shared an experience I had with my son when he was 4 years old (he's now 13) and it was a profound turning point for me.

Check it out:
"Be willing to give up guilt and embrace acceptance. Here's how to do it:

1) Stop apologizing for things you didn't do. I meet people all the time who say "I'm sorry" for the most insignificant things. They bump into you: "I'm sorry." They pass the salt instead of the pepper at dinner: "I'm sorry." They speak a few seconds before you've finished your last sentence: "I'm sorry." They move past you to another grocery line and slightly brush up against you: "I'm sorry."

I used to be that person. My 13 year old son was wise at age 4 and taught me how to stop saying sorry. Whenever I'd say sorry to this 4 year old grown up, he'd look me in the eye and say, "Mommy, sorry doesn't make good." No matter what I said sorry to, that was his response. And you know what? He was right!

If you did something wrong, apologize once and make amends. If you did nothing wrong, stop saying sorry for taking up space in the world. Do not apologize for your right to BE.

Apologies without merit or mending action mean nothing to the people you apologize to. Stop doing it.

- Not Built to Be Broken, Chapter 8

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Week 2 Class- Why Difficult Times & Awful People Show Up In Our Lives (Read Time: 2 min.)

Ever wonder why tough times come along?
Ever think "Man, I'm sick of having to learn this lesson
over and over and over again!"

You've heard the say "Tough times don't last but tough people do."

Try telling that to someone who's getting hit on all sides with problem after problem, drama after drama, loss after loss. We need a new context with which to understand why tragedies happen, why people sometimes let us down, and what we can do to still live the adventure of our lives... without all the drama.

Join me for Week 2 of Not Built to Be Broken.

To receive the weekly notes and assignment, please sign up by entering your name and email address in the sign-up box to the left.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

"I Know What I'm Doing"- Do You Really? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I'm working on Chapter 4: 10 Judgment Calls That Can Ruin Your Life and the fourth judgment call is a very interesting one: "I know what I'm doing."

Sounds harmless, doesn't it?

In this "Take charge! Be Your Own Person!" world we live in, it makes total and complete sense to know what you're doing, to have a handle on things, to be in the driver's seat of your life. It's a good feeling when you're living in a space of confident personal security where you know that no matter what happens, you can handle it.

But, there's a difference between self esteem and arrogance, between understanding that you are part of the universe as opposed to believing that you are manager of the universe and that's where this fourth judgment call comes into play.

Far too often, we walk around in our lives not asking for help, not seeking out the wisdom of others who've been there/done that because, in our minds, we can figure this thing out on our own. Part of the reasoning is this: "If I ask for help, then I owe someone else something. It means I didn't do it on my own." How absurd is that?

Wisdom is accumulated over time and through experience.

Why would a person ever spend 10 years in pain so they can come out the other end saying "I did it my way!" when there was someone in their life all along who'd already done the 10 years worth of pain to be a teacher so YOU wouldn't have to?

It's time we got with the program. We are all teachers and students in every lifetime. We will always be teachers and students. When the student is ready, the teacher always appears but if the student decides that he or she would rather learn on his or her own, there is no one to come crying to when the journey takes you three times as long as it could have had you asked for some guidance.

Remember: asking for help isn't a crime; spending one minute too long in a less-than life always is. Choose where you get your wisdom from wisely but at least be the victor of your life by always asking for it.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Do you listen to your inner critic or your inner wisdom? (Read Time: 2 min.)

I'm working on a chapter about judgment calls and the top 10 that, far too often, we hearken to. In speaking to people about their lives, I often find that even when you remove a negative person from your life, while their presence is no longer there, the judgment calls they made about you continue on in your internal chatter.

Abusers can be dead for years but the abused take over where their abusers left off. It can be a vicious cycle. When criticism is what you were raised on, criticism becomes what's comfortable. While you might want badly to change that, if you're not conscious enough to know the difference between your inner critic and your inner wisdom, you'll find that what you listen to and respond from are the negative thoughts you grew up on.

There comes a point where we have to make a conscious choice about who we believe we really are.

"The thing always happens that you really believe and the belief in a thing makes it happen."
-Frank Lloyd Wright

Friday, January 8, 2010

Do You Have Purple Walrus Syndrome? (Read Time: 3 min.)

If I looked at you straight in the eye, totally serious and full of faith and said, "You're a purple walrus", what would you say?

Would you agree and sell all your household goods and jump into the ocean to be with other walruses... or would you look at me like I've got three heads and six eyes and completely dismiss what I just said?

That's the topic I just wrote about in Chapter 3 of Not Built to Be Broken and, quite honestly, I went off on the topic. It amazes me how we will believe the lies that other people tell us about ourselves and, yet, those negative comments, ideas or opinions are as untrue as me telling you you're a purple walrus.

There comes a moment when you have to decide who you are. It's not up to anyone else to tell you who you are. In fact, they really don't have a clue and if you live your life people pleasing, being someone that you're really not, guess what? They really have no clue because those people haven't even met you yet.

It's time to get over the mental trauma we cause to ourselves when we choose to believe the "good" opinions of other people about who we are and about what we are capable of doing. I make it a point to deal with people in a "you speak while I do" sort of fashion. I don't have to convince you of who I am. You can speak and tell me who you think I am and you can really live your life believing that. Go ahead, do you. But, at the end of the day, I don't live by what people say I am or even who I say I am. I live by who I am choosing to be in my everyday actions.

We all can talk the good talk: "I'm compassionate." "I'm loving." "I'm adventurous." But, if you don't walk the walk, your talk means nothing.

So, here are two clear things I talked about in Chapter 3:
1) You're not a purple walrus so stop living like you are
2) Anytime you put more faith in other people's opinions, you turn over your power to them. Is that really who you want deciding your destiny?

Nuff said...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Writing Just to Write (Read Time: 2 min.)

I had trouble writing Chapter 3 this morning. I got my allotted writing time in but it was more writing just to write rather than really saying something. Ever have moments like that? You speak just to fill the silence or you clean the house just so you don't have to think about a pressing issue or you shop simply because you'd rather spend money than confront the real drama in your life? Well, this morning, I was writing to fill in the time I'd allotted for my writing. It's a good exercise in discipline but it doesn't leave me feeling very accomplished.

Chapter 3 is about walking on eggshells. It's about why so many of us live our lives pretending, trying to be and say the right things all of the time. I wrote about blunt people the other day and it seems like on one side of the spectrum are the blunt people who use their 'realness' as a cover and, yet, on the opposite side of the spectrum are the people pleasers who live their lives walking on eggshells, trying to be everyone to everything.

I once had someone say to me, "Kass, you're not that nice." I still can't quite figure out why those words resound with me as much today as they did the first moment I heard them but I think it has something to do with this walking on eggshells thing. Everyone has a desire to be liked, appreciated or approved of and there's nothing wrong with that. There is something wrong with feeling like you need to be anything other than who you are in order to be accepted. On some level, we all have felt that but in writing this chapter, I'm trying to figure out how I hit home the point that we don't do anybody favors by pretending to be anything other than who we really are. It doesn't improve anyone's quality of life to live a lie or to pretend to be who you're not... but how do you unlearn that? How do you tell someone to stop faking it? How do you give someone the tools they need to take off the mask they've worn for so long? That's what I'm trying to figure out in this chapter...


Monday, January 4, 2010

Blunt People (Read Time: 1 min.)

I was writing another chapter this morning and really feel the need to cover this one point:
Don't allow other people to use their personalities as scapegoats for bad behavior.

I'm not a fan of people who say "Sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm blunt and tell it like it is." That would be like someone punching you in the face and saying "Sorry, I'm just overly aggressive and physical." Does that make any sense? Of course it doesn't!

At the end of the day, each person chooses how and what they say and far too many people live in an unconscious state where they vomit out words without ever considering the power of what they speak. Every word you and I speak to ourselves and others creates a world. When you really begin to get that, you start to understand that life and death ARE in the power of the tonge and they love it shall eat the fruit thereof. I don't know about you but I don't want to eat hateful, pain producing words.

Remember: what you give out comes back to you EVERY TIME...

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